I'm such a pathetic

Pretend myself to not to care about people is hurting and really hard. I forced myself to hold to all my promises even those are made years away back but for me it’s still a promise and I’ll do my best to not to smash it. I’m a liar if I say I have stop thinking about the past and my mistakes and I’m a liar too if I say I don’t care about you anymore.

I can't stop thinking about it and I really wanna end this now but I don't really sure am I really ready to face it. Haha I know I'm such a pathetic but I just feel good about it because this is where the challenge comes in right? Analogically, when you have macaroons and you know you mom says 'Don't eat till I'm back' and you promised to her you'll wait for her. It's torturing but you know if you eat those you'll broke your promise to your mom and that is sinful so you keep yourself busy pretending that you don't care about the those delicious cookies. 

You see when your mom reached home, and saw you're waiting for her, isn't that will make her feel happy? What if you ate those and left some for her, she'll eat alone all by herself. Isn't that is sad if you're the mother? Urm actually that is exactly what I felt whenever I tried to brake my promises. I can't stop trying to brake it in any ways but the harder I try the scarier I would be. So at the end, I make myself busy and forget those stupid promises I made (Lesson Learnt: Never ever let your feeling conquer your mind when you're making any decisions/promises), even I keep falling into pieces holding on those. All I care is what will 'YOU' feel later not mine. hehehe :)

Am I making any sense here? Haha just answer it 'NO'. I'm tired bubbye off for nap heheh.. So long ('',)