My bad ;(

The clock shows 3:22 in morning but I can't sleep thinking of bad thing I did to someone that I called my friend. I feel really bad about it. I sought for his forgiveness eventhough he say he's not mad at me. But why do I still feel guilty and it seems like I can't forgive myself for the mistake I did. Is he sincerely say those words or he's avoiding me? Ok, now all the bad thoughts are coming into my 'stupid' head.

When he said 'You don't know me Iffah', those words really meant a lot to me and I take it seriously. I'm not mad at him because after all it was my fault. It's true when we barely know someone, we intend to hurt him/her very much. I made thousands of mistake but this time it feels worse as I've just spoilt my own trust and will I ever going to get that trust back?

I don't want the hate feeling to be a barrier in my friendship but I keep on losing it day by day. Laughing at people is so rude. Being too childish sometimes make me do irritating things and take serious things as my toys. I love to see people around me happy and fill their life with laughs but 'this laugh' just made someone's day a miserable. I'm really really really sorry. If you want me to beg for an apologi in front of you, I'll do it! I'll do whatever it takes for you to forgive me sincerely but the thing is will I have the guts to bring all the guilty and shame feelings in front of him?

You're RIGHT! We are from different backgrounds, cultures and I shouldn't make fun of it. Honestly, that wasn't my intention. The awkward and different looks that caused the laugh but I take the blame because I don't really know what were you thinking at that moment and yeah I don't know you. I will never ever going to forget this mistake. I really really feel bad about it because I just scratched a special heart. You really have a special heart and that makes me feel even more guilty. You helped me but this is what I repay you, its really unfair for me to do that. My bad!

Sorry ;(  
p/s: if you were to read this, you know who you are