Maybe it's about time

Sejak dua menjak ni, ramai orang kata I ni jiwang. Ok, to be honest, memang I ada crush ngan a guy (waaah, berani giler ni). but I takut nak confess sbb takut kalau-kalau I direject and rosakkan our friendship. Eh? :p Before this, I try my best to hold on to this hope yang I know possibility to get him is tiny. All this while I tak ada plak rasa gedik2 with him but lately I think the relation is getting further away.

Orang cakap cinta jarak jauh ni susah. BETUL! I tak bercinta but for me to keep a relation from a distance is not easy. It needs sacrifices from both side. Harus la manusia ada ego kan. I maybe ego but more on takut kalau-kalau I ni tepuk sebelah tangan.

I tak hot seriously speaking. Kerja pakai coverall, tak pandai makeup, tudung pon syria style yang sarung tu je. Tak pandai nak bersolek, mulut banyak cakap, tak lemah lembut. Pendek kata (panjang diam aja :p) tak macam ciri-ciri gadis yang good good laaa.

For almost 4 months dah I try to keep this and hold on to my feeling tapi lately I think it's about time to give up. Bukan I tak percaya yang doa I tak sampai, Allah tak makbulkan doa I tapi I tak nak terus put myself in the situation yang I rasa tak rational for me. Maybe untuk gadis-gadis hot memang la senang nak dapat pasangan. I try to be positive all this while and I am now. For me, give up yang I maksudkan brings a positive impact more than negative impacts sebab eventually, by letting this feeling go, I can be the old me.

Perempuan mana yang tak nak kawin, perempuan mana yang tak nak rasa dicintai dan mencintai and perempuan mana yang tak nak punya keluarga sendiri? I'm just a typical Malay girl yang I think only myself sees my capabilities. I bukan jenis yang nak menunjuk-nunjuk. Kawan pon I berani cakap tak ramai macam uols. I only have myself je kadang-kadang.

In 3 months ni I dah rasa cukup lonely dah and that makes me feel that I have to let the feeling go. I am sooo not sure with what I want right now. All I can see I want to focus on my career walaupon deep down I nak jugak rasa ada teman to talk to to share with to help about.

I dont feel fair kalau I terus ada perasaan ni sedangkan dia cuba anggap I'm his friend. I want to be his friend. and that is why I have to make this drastic decision to let it go. Pretending to have no feeling,it's not gonna be easy but at least it can save the friendship. I memang terangan not his taste and the more I think about it the more I want him and the more I angry with him. So, only me can make it right by letting him go right?