Why scared?

I'm scared. Scared of letting myself fail with something that my irrational heart wants. This brain inside me can't stop telling 'It's ok, you've tried your best and you asked for one. Just let the time shows the future'. But it is the other way round in my heart. It tells me to wait and wait, then try and try. Never stop trying. I thought (using brain) it suppose to be the other way round right? hahha weird me!

So I let me heart leads the way, I tried again for the second round and AGAIN I failed! I hate this pushing and forcing attitude in me but that is just me I tried to change but I just don't feel me to stop trying and put no effort in life. When someone hates you, what would you do? Ok2, let make it clearer. Think about this, You've done something wrong and you've seek for forgiveness, but it just don't feels right because you don't feel easy with it even he/she said 'you've done nothing wrong'. It keeps on playing and ranting into your head.

People say 'Stop forcing, let the flow works on its own' (my dad loves to say this. haha) so I let it, it's like repairing a clog, you pump all the water and let the water tap flow, then you flooded the whole room. I just don't want poeple to hate me for what I've done unintentionally. I feel really bad and I try too change myself here OK but will I get the second opportunity? Urgh to myself, I never thought that I would have to go this over and over again. I wish sometimes that I can be a zombie. Less to think, Less to hold, Less to cope, Easier life.

Stephen Covey said 'Strength lies in differences, not in similarities' so I take that differences are something that you should have in any relationship and similarities will only help to make it real. Haha that's how I interpret the quotes. Sorry if I'm wrong. I remembered once Dr Fadzillah Kamsah said 'In any relationship (friendship is included), if there are too many similarities, it'll be bored but if there are too many differences, it'll be a war! So balance those is want you need in a relationship'.

Well, I think I'm getting over this issue, before it gets worst, I just wanna say that NOW I'm scared if YOU hate me and I'll freak out if YOU don't. So long pals :)