My Love Quotes to Him

You have my traces and I have you

We are making a greater distance than we thought

Love that we had is what we chose but the gap that we are having is what you chose

It's hard for you but harder for me

Warmth to have you beside is like having a thick sock during winter

You clear the bound that I've created

You and your egoism is as same as me with my tears

Being with you was like loving a person that is heartless because someone has stolen it earlier

I'm second for you STILL

Commitment is way more important that the feeling

You said you're gonna miss me but you don't try prove it

I know you want me to say that I love you first but I have my own ego too you know

Human make bad choices, I made mine because of you

This silence doesn't mean I'm letting you go, it means I'm giving you time for yourself

It would be easier

I was in my drying room alone standing looking at what shall I wear today. Just then I realized that it has been a long time I didn't write. I do miss it I know but I just couldn't find a fine time to spend in front the keyboard.

Just so to know I'm now in Oklahoma City, USA. Yeah pretty insane to stay out from your own country alone. Gotta survive though here for 2 years. A.L.O.N.E. You've heard when people say "One good way to make you forget is to make yourself busy". One good quote that I shall keep it in my mind. So that I can remember less that I'm missing Malaysia.

However, how on earth can I put myself in activities 24-7 around the clock? It's like very impossible. I just found out about it few minutes ago though. You at least want time for yourself to be alone in your own very space with no one nothing to be a disturbance to your peace. That's what actually happening to me. I choose to not to go to Norman, Oklahoma City just to spare time for myself to rejuvenate and flash things that I've done for the past 3 months.

Not my new year resolution which yeah "HAPPY NEW YEAR". Hope it's not to late to wish your great people. But it was a memory that I chose not to erase out even it hurts painfully to myself. When I say I was not a good girl last 3 months, I really meant it. I know I should've gone through with my feeling but I unconsciously hurting my own self.

My sister once told me that I'm not good in making decision at all, last time I check I made the wrong choice in life again. Till when will I actually gonna stop making fool of my own self? I have no idea at all on how to change it or stop making one. I'm the Queen of mistake.

Girls, I'm sure you've experience crushing onto a boy. Have you ever think that he is the right one or will he be the choice you'll make if you are a level matured then now? Will he be the guy who is going to take care of you till the rest of your life? build a family together? Be with your daughter to her dancing class, be with your son to his soccer game or be with you to do dishes at home. He could be anyone around you, he could be the one that has been sitting in front of you, he could be the one that is miles away from you, he could be someone's boyfriend, fiancee or even husband.

Don't you people think that it would be easier to be brave enough to confront and confess to the person that you have crush on. Regardless of what he'll response to as long as you spill it out and he make the choices. Secrets are burdens. We burden our balls to keep our tongues and be scared to be rejected. We afraid people would call us whores or bitches to fall for someone's man.

Hurm, something to think about how to make life easier and simpler. We keep make mistakes to grow up and move forward in this world. Be scared and be brave. You choose caused I've made mine. Later

Have a great day/evening/weekend/week :)

 

Begini Caranya Lirik

Lagu baru OST Aku Ada, Kau Ada???
Nyanyian: Shaheizy Sam & Yana Samsuddin


Ooooo, Aaaa
Aku tak bisa menyatakan perkataan
Kelu lidah bila berdepan kamu


Aku percaya pada naluri hatiku
Yang nyata sudah ada depan mata


Tapi aku masih belum mengenalmu
Untuk menikmati rasa sebenar-benar cinta


Aku tahu di mana nak cari cintamu
Di sini tak mungkin mengalah dengan apa yang mendatang


Aku tahu ku jumpa terbaik untukmu
Yang indah jadikan kenangan yang luka perbetulkan


Begini.... caranya bagi diriku
Caranya bagi diriku


Tapi aku masih belum mengenalmu
Untuk menikmati rasa sebenar-benar cinta


Ooo Aku tahu di mana nak cari cintamu
Di sini tak mungkin mengalah dengan apa yang mendatang


Yang ku tahu ku jumpa terbaik untukmu
Yang indah jadikan kenangan yang luka perbetulkan


Aku tahu di mana nak cari cintamu
Di sini tak mungkin mengalah dengan apa yang mendatang


Yang ku tahu ku jumpa terbaik untukmu
Yang indah jadikan kenangan yang luka perbetulkan


Begini... caranya bagi diriku
Caranya bagi diriku

opposite-the-road-man

I look, I look and I look.

I saw you at the opposite road

You look at me and smile

You then text me "What are you doing?"

I smirk and the eye shoot yours

My heart suddenly beat as fast as light

My limbs stroke the road

Beside me are white curtains

I stop, I look again

You are still there

I get closer and closer and closer

Your hand was at the back

I saw a heart

YOUR heart! in my hand

I look mine

I squeeze mine but it wont come out

I stole your heart

You did NOTHING

My eyes tell the feeling

You did NOTHING

I get confuse, confuse, confuse

I shout at you

You didn't hear me

I'm in front of you

Holding your heart

I dont want to let it go

You don't want my heart

even I try to force it to out

I kneel down with tears on my white skin

I stood and give your heart back

and a key

a key of my heart

You own it but you yet to steal it

my opposite the road man

Maybe it's about time

Sejak dua menjak ni, ramai orang kata I ni jiwang. Ok, to be honest, memang I ada crush ngan a guy (waaah, berani giler ni). but I takut nak confess sbb takut kalau-kalau I direject and rosakkan our friendship. Eh? :p Before this, I try my best to hold on to this hope yang I know possibility to get him is tiny. All this while I tak ada plak rasa gedik2 with him but lately I think the relation is getting further away.

Orang cakap cinta jarak jauh ni susah. BETUL! I tak bercinta but for me to keep a relation from a distance is not easy. It needs sacrifices from both side. Harus la manusia ada ego kan. I maybe ego but more on takut kalau-kalau I ni tepuk sebelah tangan.

I tak hot seriously speaking. Kerja pakai coverall, tak pandai makeup, tudung pon syria style yang sarung tu je. Tak pandai nak bersolek, mulut banyak cakap, tak lemah lembut. Pendek kata (panjang diam aja :p) tak macam ciri-ciri gadis yang good good laaa.

For almost 4 months dah I try to keep this and hold on to my feeling tapi lately I think it's about time to give up. Bukan I tak percaya yang doa I tak sampai, Allah tak makbulkan doa I tapi I tak nak terus put myself in the situation yang I rasa tak rational for me. Maybe untuk gadis-gadis hot memang la senang nak dapat pasangan. I try to be positive all this while and I am now. For me, give up yang I maksudkan brings a positive impact more than negative impacts sebab eventually, by letting this feeling go, I can be the old me.

Perempuan mana yang tak nak kawin, perempuan mana yang tak nak rasa dicintai dan mencintai and perempuan mana yang tak nak punya keluarga sendiri? I'm just a typical Malay girl yang I think only myself sees my capabilities. I bukan jenis yang nak menunjuk-nunjuk. Kawan pon I berani cakap tak ramai macam uols. I only have myself je kadang-kadang.

In 3 months ni I dah rasa cukup lonely dah and that makes me feel that I have to let the feeling go. I am sooo not sure with what I want right now. All I can see I want to focus on my career walaupon deep down I nak jugak rasa ada teman to talk to to share with to help about.

I dont feel fair kalau I terus ada perasaan ni sedangkan dia cuba anggap I'm his friend. I want to be his friend. and that is why I have to make this drastic decision to let it go. Pretending to have no feeling,it's not gonna be easy but at least it can save the friendship. I memang terangan not his taste and the more I think about it the more I want him and the more I angry with him. So, only me can make it right by letting him go right?

I am an Idiot

Reading a post by Nick Hodge on "People are idiots. Don't be one" makes me see myself as an idiot. Haha not in a bad way but some how we're. Oh, sorry you want to read the article? yeah it's here :p

At a point, Nick was right! I can't deny how lazy and ashamed we are when we can't think small efforts can make a great impact to us. We are too busy buying gadgets, items that we don't really need. I can say that is one damn excellent example of an idiot person. I am one. I can't deny that.

Been seen an unposmarked stamp before several times but I only peel once. And that's it. Hoping that posting is no longer up to the current. But eventually a couple months ago, when I plan to post a postcard to my family in Kuala Lumpur, I wished that I have those peeled stamps in hand. Until now, I still have the postcard.

Every weekend, when we go out for groceries, we don't have the guts to bring our own plastic bags. I would say this is one of the bad habits that we have in Malaysia. We prefer to spend 20 cents for each bags just because of our laziness that eventually mark us as an idiot. I've seen many good example by Western people when most of them shop with their own groceries bag even they are in a big mall. I overheard once in the Great Eastern mall, Jalan Ampang, a lady complaint that there are no plastic bag on Saturday. She mocked the government for making that policy. Her reason was easy "How can I bring bags in hand when I'm in a mall?" Maybe she's scared that she's going to lose her dignity and standard for bringing cheap bags in hand.

We still yet has the odesity to ask for free stuffs when we actually can save. Nothing is free! you even have to pay for the toilet in KLCC. I still remember I was talking with a friend in my office, I said I want to buy a house with a backyard. He asked why and I told him that I want to spend time with the family have coffee in my own garden. He looked at me 'You want to plant flowers or vegetables?'. That shocked me. How can I answer that? I was only planning to have a garden not a plantation farm. I dont want to make fun of him. I said maybe flowers. He responsed "You can't eat flowers. Why dont you grown your own vegetables?". What the heck? A guy telling me to do farming? That was hilarious but when I think back, he's brilliant. At least having my own vegetable in my yard, I can assure that those are free from toxic and clean, right?

Likewise, we can change the lifestyle and our mentality by making a change. It's not about an individual it's about us the nation. Let's make it right together!

-_-

Oh My Labuan

Today I reached the office late. Since I have no coverall in hand and with the so called 'jetlag' symptoms, I decided to leave the hotel a bit later than the time I suppose. I was so excited to meet those boys (sorry not a player just missing those guys very very much). They're my brothers here. It feels awkward when I first step my leg into the morning meeting. Everything looks new to me as if I was in the beauty contest with all the alien eyes locked at me and those sweet sweet sounds from those devil mouths. It was so embarrassing OK.

I play it cool, walk to the end of the room and sat my butt at a place. When the meeting was adjoured, I heard voices saying 'you put on weight, wewit wewit'. The first think in my mind was 'Damn! am I?'. I try to hide my red face, I looked at them and said 'I know. 4 kgs OK!'. I really meant that because I scaled my weight before and after my trip to Dubai. I successfully gained 4 kgs in 2 months. I didn't eat much in the Emirates but I just don't know why I gain those kilos.

Of course, me and my smile has been the topic that these guys can talk on especially Freddy, Alvin and Farhan. These 3 guys can never see me happy. They'll make me happy with their stupid and flirty jokes. Hey, don't get me wrong I'm comfortable with them not because I'm a player it's just they're my friends, my teachers, my brothers. They know the limit and respect me as a lady. That's good enough for me :)

Apart from these fun and good feelings I had, deep down I miss my Labuan friends especially the guy who remembers me everyday. He's the only guy that has the concern to ask me out for meals. We spend too much time together and that makes me miss him sooo much but I dont have the gut to say that to him because I'm scared that he wont take it seriously. He's the joker.

I also miss my 2 ladies, one is my filler and one is my buddy. My buddy who I spend most of my nights before I fly to Dubai together. Trust me thousand stories to catch up with her.

Tonight, I really feel the loneliness. My phone never stops ringing when they are here but that is no longer happening. Labuan has become a strange place again for me. I felt this before when I first step in Labuan but this time it's worse because I had great memories in Labuan so I have higher expectation on it. Labuan seems to be very quiet and peace. I don't like it as my head playbacks the memories. I feel lonely :(

Yeah I proudly said to Ebak and Ibu to not to worry about me. I'm gonna be fine! I am fine it's just the memories bring the sorrow to me. Things are not going to be the same again as it was before, of course! but as human, this is the time for us to learn for the pass and make our future a better one. Till the next post :) Bye