-Bukan Untukku-

I closed my eyes and I felt the tears running through the lid. I MISS YOU. What an expression that I wish I can say to you. I ain't trying to make myself occupied with something that I know I will never gonna get into but deep down in my heart I know there's you. Who am I to kneel down and ask you because I'm nobody no one. For God sake, I really miss those sacred time we had together. I wish I am courage enough to let myself to get to you and tell you the truth. Time is passing by and the further I thought I'm gonna be the closer you're coming to me.

I tried to deny the feeling and deny the future just because I'm humiliate to see your face. Damn, if you ever gonna read this stupid post I really meant this from my heart. I can't be as straight as this. You've punishment me enough already and it's time for you to actually let go of your hatred and plant some care for me. I've been a fool, a fool for you but that is what I want to do. I forced myself to not to be desperate but God knows how desperate I am to talk to you and look into your eye balls, create a big smile so that you can open up your heart to let me in. 

This may sounded not like me but I just can't keep lying to myself that I'm freaking miss you and how I wish I could turn back the time and swallow all those moron words I said to you. Those weren't something that I want to do. Please listen up to my cry because I really mean it and I really want you to understand.

Bruno Mars heat!

Wowey, it feels like Bruno Mars's coming tomorrow! The heat, the tense, the excitement, the steam all here in one. The Hawaiian singer is landing his flight here in Malaysia on 10th April and all I can say for now is HE'S AWESOME trillion times and I really really really want to go to his concert! Man!. Haha

Look at his asian-american look. He can look like a Malaysian at certain time and angle. I love his face structure! the jaws are hot! No offense just an opinion. There was rumor saying the tickets are sold out! What??!!!! the concert is like 1 month plus to go and the tickets are out? I know that these Justin Bieber's and Maroon 5's concerts are sold out even 3 months before the day but please please at least I can buy a ticket to PWTC on 10th April before it sold out!

I feel weird because I know I hate crowds and I hate concerts but this is something different no one can tells how different it is. hahah Like Bruno always says 'It's better if you don't understanding'. I love the melody of his songs. They're simple, relax yet artistic. All his songs are melody driven and he admitted that he's a fan of music and he proved that was insanely RIGHT!

Ok, if I can say something to him, it will sounds something like this 'I'll be waiting on the other side when you're ready to catch a grenade for me, let's just pass this long distance and make a great runaway for a day. Count on me!'

Till next post. daaaaaa! :)

Maulidur Rasul and My Birthday

You know what is so good with Valentine's for me? It's just a day away from my Birthday! haha. But this year I got a bonus, I'm celebrating mine together with the Maulidur Rasul. Hey, It's a holiday people!

It's been awhile I didn't post anything, just been too busy lately with FDP and FYP in my hands. What is the significance of your Birthday to you? To be honest, I'm not a fan of Birthday Bash, kinda dislike them since it's the starting point of being an adult (which everybody celebrate it for you :P). Not all adult are jerks and not all are being one. So, this year Birthday, I wish that I can have a good life and fortune in the future. Good health, good job, good in everything per say! haha

Once in a blue moon, traitorous thoughts will seek into my head and do the whispering thing letting me question why it has to be February? It's like the early of the year which means I'm getting older much earlier than those others around me. I hate to be adult because I'm scared that I'll fail along the way. haha with bigger responsibilities, maturity and of course the number, it just feel so notorious!

Whatever it is, we are getting older each seconds so why the hell should we bother, right? haha. Anyway, lets don't forget to do some selawat today and have a great day all :)

Karma

How does it feels knowing someone who is really forcing and annoying? Oh man I think I am one. How to get rid of it? I tried several times to not to think about my problems but I can stop pushing myself from letting the truth-spoken. Ya Allah I know that wasn't a good move and I should never ever give a try yesterday. But you know the truth spoke I guess.

How do you actually say to someone that you hate him/her? or how would you arrange your words in letting someone aware that you admire him/her? Don't get me wrong. Hate and Admire can be in thousands meanings! I can feel it right in my bones that I was suppose to wait cause wasn't the good time to spit it anyway.

Well I had this experience avoiding someone yeah because I gets annoyed with him/her. So why the hell I'm trying to be the annoying one? What was in my head? oh this song is really imitating me Thanks for the memories by Fall Out Boy. Yeeehaaaa... 'And I want these words to make things right, but it's the wrongs that make the words come to life' as if this lappy knows my problem. hehe..

Tears? not till that but heart-broken. I'm still a rookie trying to take my hands off from the cookie jar. That's the beauty of life I guess with none I think my life will be dark, dull, too mellow, boring. Ok people let me mourn the gone of the memories. Should I think about it? urgh... I hate these devilish thoughts. ok2 bye friends. So long :) *typing in rush* 

Jan 18, reflection

Iffah's Night Reflection as of 18/01/2011:

Forgiving people is hard but asking for one is not!

Just please stop saying 'Lagikan Nabi Muhammad ampunkan ummat-nya inikan kita manusia biasa' or 'Forgive and forget'. Those are all bullshit! Because it is not easy to forgive others and it is totally hard to just forget it. Prophet Muhammad is perfect but not us, am I right? I learnt few things today. Every single move I made, every single thoughts I think, every single things that happened I just can't keep on lying to myself. I seek for forgiveness but I did get it, people asked for forgiveness but I hardly give it back. So that is how my world turns now.

People say 'What comes around comes all the way back around' but is that true? Maybe for some people it implies perfectly but not ALL. believe me not ALL. There are people outside there that is far way lucky that us. Unfortunately they're not us. Today I've gone through a lot. Man, I wish I can cry to myself and say 'YOU DESERVE THAT IFFAH'. Things are coming back to me now.

Today wasn't the best day in my life when I lost one of my pants and my lab test was a failure. Till at one time I shouted 'Ya Allah, what did I do wrong?'. I know I deserved those. My life is really a mess right now. Don't talk about LUCKY because I never had once. Here I just wanna share some facebook comments that I feel attracted to this;

names and pictures are censored due to privacy and sensitivity

I think that this lady is hardly forgiving her friend. Maybe it is too hurtful for her to swallow those mistakes. At a certain point, I think I can be in both position, the person seeking for apologize and the person to give apologize. Well, honestly I don't know how to response on that and we're human we make mistakes and the more mistakes you're making the better you'll learn. It is just, get the right person to learn that mistake.

There goes my reflection of the night. Till next post all. So long :)

This is the REALITY

When we make decisions do we really think about the consequences or we made those based on emotions which rarely rational? I'm an observer everyday I see people waking up and putting hope that it's going to be a great day. I'm not denying that I crave hopes too but I keep on telling myself what if I can turn back the time? That just indirectly show I wish I can be in yesterday time and correct what I've done wrong. Will I keep on making the same mistakes over and over again?

I watched dramas and all I see is fortunate people living in the life that they wish for. Wooohoooo isn't that is a mellow world to live in. Haha ok those are movies and dramas they are unreal at all. Those are based on human-creation-world and happy ending is what we always want from. Magics, fantasies, coincidences, aren't they cool? Yeah of course they are!

But whatever it is hopes create dreams, dreams enhance motivations, motivations mold actions and actions make a better person. As humans lets put our hands together and pray for a better life. Anyway, Pray is not symbolizes weak but it shows that we know there is a higher power that control this world. Believe one thing friends, God does exist even sometime He ignores your prayers, you say He can make a better world but He didn't. Yes that is because God gave us brain to think and give efforts instead of just surrender and give up. So long people :)

P/S: Dentists are full in Ampang. They really make money... Congratulations Ampang-ian for the good dental care practices.

A1 - One More Try

They're hints

I tried thousand times to proof that I was the one to be blamed of. What have I done to my life? I'm getting messed up and miserable. Ok, there are things that I wish to share with some one but I'm totally freak out and I can't even barely to stand straight in front of you. Yeah those are hints, you hard stiff heart. How on earth should I say that 'I like you'. I can't just can't. It's so hard and painful to keep on stalking you desperately. Yeah kinda stalking you mildly because that is the only thing that I'm brave enough to do. I ain't an extreme stalker but I am a stalker. heheh (does that make any difference.... it does it does :p).

Hate feeling please go away from him and his heart. Because of you we stopped talking to each other and because of you too he let my drown away in a deep sea. I didn't mean to smash his trust and the bond but I was too naive to realize that I acted like a jerk. I really hope that those hints will be meaningful to him and he really gonna get that.

So long :)

P/S: Am I getting sentimental or desperate? God knows the best ('',)

boost the inner strength

I really love how One Republic express the song that as if telling about myself. Hit me right into the chest. We tend to restrict ourselves from doing things that are beyond our comfort zone. I'm like that, kinda conservative and preservative in allowing myself to be hurt and keep myself in a box crying and complaining and even cursing alone. I don't really push 'me' to stand by my rights.

 Listen to this and you'll see how Ryan Tedder tries to give an exclamation of advice. Haha

Say (All I Need) by One Republic

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Yeah, better than you had it

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it

TOUCHDOWN!

I'm getting really sensitive these days. Maybe there're too many things that I've gone through alone without asking people to help me. And I just don't feel right to turn to somebodies' shoulders that I rarely know or grow up with.

It's hard to stay far away from parents. Yes they are the best shoulders that I can cry on but I tend to turn to others because I don't feel good to put more burdens on theirs. Several times, I thought of living alone without any people around me so I won't get hurt or hurting others.

I have dreams and those dreams I put them in too. Never thought off leaving the town far because I want to leave my parents away just plan that to make my dream come true. I look tough yeah I know that I pretend to be cool and be happy but I'm fragile, REALLY fragile inside. I tried to put those pieces back together but they keep falling from each other. Ok that's just a metaphor! haha

I hate to be serious or sensitive with people but I just can't. I tried thousand times and the harder I tried the further I'll drift away and the harder to swim back to the shore. Wow I'm really down this time and I just couldn't care much about my surrounding and all I want to be right now is in a DARK room and keep myself alone till I'm ready to walk out from it for some light.

If possible I need a darker room than this!

A stressful night

Hints hints... yeah2 they are good but they're not when they are up less than 24 hours from the final. What am I suppose to do? I haven't read a single thing about well logging and now a question (20 marks) will come from there. Urgh... this is so stressful. I was not suppose to be in the final as far as I remember. So that's the weaknesses of knowing hints. We tend to take for granted on that right?

Anyway why on earth do Well logging has to be in the syllabus of Advanced Drilling Engineering? Weird huh. Oh my oh my, I don't really think that I can make that topic tonight and hope fully tomorrow I have some idea on how to fry those on the paper.

Resistivity, Gamma Ray, Sonic, Neuron and Density Logs please,,, please be easy with me tomorrow ok. I left with 2-1/2 hours to memorize those formulas and do some review on my test papers. Got no much time to spend on you. Sorry loggers. ;(

Evolution

Alert... Alert... Alert! Those caterpillars are about to form themselves into pupae. Haaaaaa... what am I going to do? How to kill those before they evolve to be mean and nasty butterflies in my stomach? Oh no! soon soon, they just can't wait to be butterflies and I can't face them.

In less than 15 hours from now, those pupae will transform and all I can do is to let them fly freely in me before I really can kill them after 12 pm on Thursday. Urgh, this time I know that those butterflies will be bigger than usual.

All my nerves says so and they are pumping the blood more rapid than usual. I can feel it from the tip of my toe up straight to my head. Yeah nervous NERVOUS nervous. Pray for the best Iffah that's all I left with now

We're like magnet

You have the north pole and so do I. So we'll always pushing each other away and will never ever going to be attracted to each other. SO WHY BOTHER?

You're not perfect either. You made mistakes too!

I hate you because I was so naive to put hopes and allow myself to be in that dream. So long to YOU!

I'm such a pathetic

Pretend myself to not to care about people is hurting and really hard. I forced myself to hold to all my promises even those are made years away back but for me it’s still a promise and I’ll do my best to not to smash it. I’m a liar if I say I have stop thinking about the past and my mistakes and I’m a liar too if I say I don’t care about you anymore.

I can't stop thinking about it and I really wanna end this now but I don't really sure am I really ready to face it. Haha I know I'm such a pathetic but I just feel good about it because this is where the challenge comes in right? Analogically, when you have macaroons and you know you mom says 'Don't eat till I'm back' and you promised to her you'll wait for her. It's torturing but you know if you eat those you'll broke your promise to your mom and that is sinful so you keep yourself busy pretending that you don't care about the those delicious cookies. 

You see when your mom reached home, and saw you're waiting for her, isn't that will make her feel happy? What if you ate those and left some for her, she'll eat alone all by herself. Isn't that is sad if you're the mother? Urm actually that is exactly what I felt whenever I tried to brake my promises. I can't stop trying to brake it in any ways but the harder I try the scarier I would be. So at the end, I make myself busy and forget those stupid promises I made (Lesson Learnt: Never ever let your feeling conquer your mind when you're making any decisions/promises), even I keep falling into pieces holding on those. All I care is what will 'YOU' feel later not mine. hehehe :)

Am I making any sense here? Haha just answer it 'NO'. I'm tired bubbye off for nap heheh.. So long ('',)

Paranoid

Defined as 'afraid or suspicious of other people and believing that they are trying to harm you, in a way that is not reasonable' or 'suffering from a mental illness in which you wrongly believe that other people are trying to harm you or that you are very important'

These are exactly what I feel now! What is happening to me? Why are all the bad thoughts rant through my mind. I don't need them the only thing I need is to reminisce good memories to boost my strength and motivate me for my finals.

 

Have you ever experience the same problem as mine? How did you turn yourself back from those and what are the main contributors of this bad adjective?
At a point I felt timid and all I can think is people hate me and they are trying to isolate me out. Sometimes I have explanations on anything that I do and did but they seem to be ignored and couldn't care less about me.

 

When things get worst, I can feel the nerves in body telling that I'm an invisible. Nobody sees me and I'm not exist around them. WHY? WHY do I feel this way? It's so disturbing and frequently this feeling caused me to back off and let myself to be the prey. This is not me, I dont like to give up without effort but is it because scared of being ignored or hated I change the real me?

Please bring back the real IFFAH GARIB!

Read more on PARANOIA

My lil nephew

I just can't resist to ignore whatever my lil nephew asked me to do. Argh miss him like crazy. Today when I talked to him, he asked me to come home. 'Ateh, balik ye Ateh'. Oh, I can't say no and I just wish that I can blink my eyes and travel back NOW! hahah 'Gelakkan Ateh, haha'

This boy is a precious and I really love him. Yes Aniq, I'll be back soon and promise it will be December to celebrate your birthday together and bring some chocolates for you. heheh :) Muah XOXO

Illumination

In a day there are several things that illuminate and shine our day, unfortunately we are too blind to see those  shining stars in front of us. My dad used to say 'God will always confirm your prayers, it is just the matter how you're accepting those. Some people missed those and some poeple grab those gifts but eventually they hold it too loose and let those prayers go.'  He's true after all because at a point I think God approved my wishes but I'm too tight and too blind to see them and hold them too hard till I brake those into pieces of glasses.

I eventually gave up with myself in trying harder because nothing has changed as I wanted. I tried to close my eyes and speak to myself that things will be back as normal as I used to live in, I know everytime I open my eyes, I'll crush another dreams. Yesterday I dreamt on something. I hardly believe in bad dreams they're just dreams but I'm kinda relief this morning after waking up because I know every dreams I had I felt the existent of Allah in me. I shouldn't have give up on myself because once I do, it's like I'm giving up on Him too. So, I know Allah is helping me and watching me all the time. He's been there for me everytime I need Him and He's the only One that will never leave me till the end of my life. I love you, Allah and thanks for every single breath that I take to embrace the moments in this temporary world.

NEVER LOSE HOPE ON HIM BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU

So long :)

 

Love is on its way

Young hearts, I believe that we are not far from becoming who we truly are, LOVE IS ON ITS WAY!

Dreamers, you see everything is color while the world is getting darker, LOVE IS ON ITS WAY!

So hold on another day caused LOVE IS ON ITS WAY, You'll find its gonna be ok caused LOVE IS ON ITS WAY, Alright you'll find a brighter day caused LOVE IS ON ITS WAY

Leaders, show us how to love each other, it could help us to recover, LOVE IS ON ITS WAY!

Lonely, I believe that you will find me and together we will truly see LOVE IS ON ITS WAY!

People close they hearts and locked it deep inside because some of them are too scared to face the truth and some are not prepared to take a huge responsibility. Love means a feeling of caring and wanting to be together with others. There are plenty type of love; LOVE towards GOD, RELIGION, PARENTS, FAMILY, FRIENDS, ENVIRONMENT, ANIMALS and even LIFE. It's a great pleasure that God created and every single person has the feeling of wanting to love and to be loved. I loved my God, religion, parents, family and friends. I couldn't ask more then being together with them all the time.

The innocent Iffah Garib used to feel that she was all alone by herself when nobody around to care and love her but she's grown up to be a big girl with happy faces and hopes. She is really thankful after all there are still few people around to be her shoulder to share her laughs and tears.

Haha it this the mood when you've spent watching more than 1 romantic movies in a day. Haha so long.. till next post ('',)

Part time job

Anyone wants to offer me a part time job from May 2011 to September 2011? I need a part time job to cover my traveling cost and I'm not going to stay in UTP just for a class weekly - a waste of time. Man, I'll do anything as long as I can get some working experience and it doesn't not have to be oil and gas industry. I'm looking for something that is pay per hours and I'll do what ever it takes to at least I'll gain something during the unnecessary extension semester. I need money and I need job! Please!!!

I have few in minds actually but I really desperately put money and experience as my main priority. Mc Donald's attendance, baby sitter, anything... >.< GIVE ME SOME GOOD IDEAS!!! please

I miss my family

It was a great weekend spending time with my family in the Lost World of Tambun. Eventhough I'm having 3 tests this week and last weekend was the best time to struggle with books but I'm totally not going to regret with the time spent with my family. After all, that is even worthy for me than reading those books. I MISS THEM already! ;(